Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
