im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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