just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
