Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
