too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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