They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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