the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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