imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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