I think i sorta joined a cult last night
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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