Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
