dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
