you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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