Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
