dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
