the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
