My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
