You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
