Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize