bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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