the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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