My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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