I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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