he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
