Betty ford says i'm here all night
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
