I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
