I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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