Are we in a gay sports bar?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
