There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
