Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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