This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
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You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
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three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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