You're completely useless in the revolution.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
