im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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