Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That was before I lit my hair on fire
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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