I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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