i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
