The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
