What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
