Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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