i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
