The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My dick has a subreddit
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
