I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
