How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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