She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Do vagina's smell?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
