My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Found the puke drawer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize