oh god the rape fog is back!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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