i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
whose parrot is this?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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