Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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