That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
