i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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