she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
