My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
