you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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