U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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