Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
