Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
