You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
