It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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