i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
