Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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