I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
