nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
