Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
