You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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