What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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