He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
