Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
