Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
