Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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