Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
