my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
