you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
