Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
