..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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