I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think my vagina is haunted
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
