I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
