Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
