so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
