I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
