Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
