yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
