Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
