i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
