i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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