"it" just moved
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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