Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
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