it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
