he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's never too late to be topless.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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